Summary
EMDR therapist Cameron Carver interviews Tom Perry, a man in long-term sobriety who experienced devastating trauma when he discovered his son had been sexually abused. Tom's story covers the cascade of consequences that followed, including his son's suicide attempts, drug use, institutionalization, and Tom's own severe depression and suicidal ideation. After antidepressants failed and a counselor told him he could not help, Tom was referred to EMDR as a last resort. Tom describes arriving at Cameron's office feeling hopeless and skeptical, but through EMDR processing he experienced profound relief from trauma that years of talk therapy, AA, and medication had not touched. Cameron explains the therapeutic approach, emphasizing the importance of meeting clients where they are and building trust before beginning reprocessing. The episode provides a raw, unfiltered look at how EMDR can help someone who felt they were beyond human help, and how the therapy works within the context of addiction recovery.
Key Points
- Tom arrived at EMDR therapy after antidepressants failed and a counselor said he could not help him, feeling he was beyond human help
- EMDR was recommended twice by different sources before Tom finally tried it, illustrating the common skepticism people have initially
- The therapist required Tom to discontinue antidepressants before beginning EMDR, as the medication can interfere with emotional processing
- Building trust is essential before EMDR reprocessing begins, especially with clients who have lost faith in the therapeutic process
- EMDR accessed and processed trauma that 14 years of AA meetings, step work, talk therapy, and antidepressants could not resolve
- Secondary trauma from a loved one's abuse can be as devastating as primary trauma and responds well to EMDR treatment
- The combination of sobriety support (AA) and trauma processing (EMDR) proved more effective than either approach alone
Key Moments
Arriving at EMDR as a last resort after everything else failed
Tom describes how a counselor told him he could not help after just two sessions, but recommended EMDR. Tom dismissed it as quackery, tried antidepressants instead, but those also failed. His thought was that he was beyond human help.
"I told him my whole story, or at least the bad, the worst of it. And after the two sessions, he goes, I can't help you. And he goes, but I do know somebody that does this EMDR stuff and she's really good at it."
Therapist perspective on meeting a hopeless client
Cameron Carver, the EMDR therapist, describes seeing Tom walk in with hopelessness, helplessness, and desperation in his eyes. He questioned why someone with so little faith in the therapeutic process would show up, recognizing Tom's strength in doing so despite everything.
"I remember when you walked in that first day and I looked at you and all I could see was like hopeless, helpless, you know, just desperation. And I remember when you were talking about your story, all I could see was pain, just so much pain in your eyes."
The moment that cracked everything open on the ski lift
Tom's son told him on a ski lift that all the abuse had been a lie. Tom's first thought was to jump off the lift. This revelation, on top of years of devastation, became the pivotal trauma that brought him to EMDR therapy.
"He actually told me on a ski lift up in Brighton, and I was on the lift. And when he told me it was all lied down, it made it all up, my first thought was to jump off that lift. And it did everything I could not to."
