Summary
The Anxiety Coaches Podcast host interviews Gene Monterastelli, editor of TappingQandA.com and author of Comprehensive Anger Management, about how he used EFT tapping to overcome severe social anxiety. Gene describes a striking paradox -- he could perform effortlessly in front of 5,000 high school students but couldn't answer his own phone or ask for help in stores because initiating unpredictable one-on-one interactions felt unsafe. After discovering tapping through a podcast while walking through the Pittsburgh airport, Gene devised an exposure-based approach: he started online dating and walked 20 minutes to each date while tapping the entire way, using the real-time anxiety as his focus. Within six weeks, his social anxiety was essentially in check. Gene explains tapping as tuning into the stimulus that causes the problem plus tapping equals relief, and clarifies that the verbal phrases are just a tool for staying focused on the issue rather than having any inherent magic. He emphasizes that transformation is not all-or-nothing, and even partial relief dramatically improves quality of life.
Key Points
- Gene's formula: tuning into the stimulus that causes the problem + tapping = relief
- The words spoken during tapping are not magic -- they are simply a focusing tool to keep you connected to the issue
- Gene overcame severe social anxiety in six weeks by tapping while walking to dates as a real-time exposure technique
- Tapping bypasses the critical factor at the front of the subconscious mind through the physical body, similar to how hypnosis does it through the mind
- Thought field therapy (EFT's predecessor) has been recognized by the National Health Institute's evidence-based protocol database
- Transformation doesn't have to be all-or-nothing -- even 50% reduction in anxiety opens up many previously unsafe-feeling situations
- For beginners, the TappingQandA.com website offers free step-by-step guides with images and sample scripts
- Working with a professional practitioner is recommended for deep issues, but self-guided tapping is effective for daily stress
Key Moments
Gene's social anxiety paradox and tapping discovery
Gene describes performing in front of 5,000 students with ease but being unable to answer his phone or ask for help in stores due to severe social anxiety, then discovering tapping through a podcast in the Pittsburgh airport.
"I would literally ride the shuttle bus until someone else said stop and then I would get off of the shuttle bus and I would walk whatever distance it was. I couldn't answer my own phone. I had difficulty asking for help in stores."
Six-week anxiety cure through tapping while walking to dates
Gene explains his formula that tuning into the problem stimulus plus tapping equals relief, and describes how he used online dating as exposure therapy, tapping the entire 20-minute walk to each date, overcoming his social anxiety in six weeks.
"it's tuning into the stimulus that causes us problem plus tapping equals relief. And so it's not that I'm just tapping and that creates relief. It is I am focusing on the problem. I am feeling the emotion. I am encountering the limiting belief."
Why the phrases in tapping are not magic
Gene clarifies that the words spoken during tapping are just a focusing tool, not magical incantations, and that answering questions about how fear physically feels in your body can be even more effective than scripted phrases because you stay more connected to the issue.
"They're just a tool to help us to focus. And it's possible for us to focus on any issue saying words out loud where we're describing it. And I can be describing a horrific moment from my past and be completely emotionally disconnected from it. Because it's a story that I've told so many times that I'm not emotionally engaging in it anymore. And so there are lots of tools that give you creative ways to help you to tune in. Some of them are just phrases that you can say that are really helpful. Others are questions that you are asked. And basically, as you answer those questions, you're just coming up with the tapping phrases. Because, you know, if I ask you to describe physically how fear feels in your body, I'm sure you would do a really good job with that. And as you're describing that, you're tuning into the issue at hand. So sometimes it's giving you phrases and sometimes it's giving you questions that if you answer those questions while tapping, you're going to be doing the exact same thing. And in many cases, you're going to be doing it better because it's not words that I've created for you to help you to tune in. But you are using your description and your vocabulary to describe the anxiety, the fear, the worry, how it shows up in your own language, which helps you stay connected to it. Oh, you have just demystified the phrases for me because I saw a lot of people have issues around that, especially people with anxiety or a lot of fear. They're just afraid they're doing it wrong. Absolutely. So, yeah, good. All that information is on that website, correct? Absolutely, yeah. All that stuff is available for free. Beautiful, Jean. I so appreciate you taking time with us today because this is, believe it or not, as well known as I think EFT and tapping slash tapping is, many, many people still don't know about it. So we're trying to get the word out. And every tool that we have is just moving us a little bit further and letting us feel a little bit more secure that we can heal ourselves. So do you have any last words for my listeners, Gene? You know, with a tool set like tapping, if you're going to give it a try, oftentimes when you're doing research on a tool set like this, you will see miraculous stories where people are giving these one minute miracles where they sat down and they tapped on it and magically took care of what was going on. I am open to those sorts of things happening. I have seen transformation of my clients happen in ways that just seem irrational in how quickly they happen, but not everybody is going to have an experience like that. If I would have felt, if I would have heard stories of someone spending a few minutes and having relief of anxiety and I went, oh, man, it took me six weeks to really get a handle on this. I would be really disappointed, except for the fact that it was only six weeks. And as we're doing transformation, give yourself permission to be gentle with the process, knowing that it might not be something that's instantaneous. And when we're dealing with something like fear, worry, anxiety, that it's not an all or nothing proposition. If my anxiety recedes by 50 percent, all of a sudden there are a number of places that feel safe that didn't feel safe before. The world might not feel safe. Everywhere I go might not feel safe. But all of a sudden, maybe going to the store and shopping by myself is something that was much safer than it was before. And my life is better. And so when you use this tool or any sort of tool, recognize the fact it's not that we use the tool set and it goes away. But as we do transformation, the place that is reasonably and rationally safe grows and grows and grows. And that's a dramatic improvement of the quality of our life, even if it isn't all gone yet. Well said, Gene. Thank you. And for everyone who wants to use tapping for their transformation you can go to tapping q and a podcast.com and uh just tapping q and a.com for the website for all those great materials that gene mentioned earlier well i want to thank you yet again gene Jean, and I know you're a busy man, and I appreciate you taking time with me and my listeners today. We're going to post all that good stuff in the show notes, and I hope everyone will go there and take you up on that great information you have at your website and on your podcast. These are obviously podcast listeners."
